by Russell M. Stewart
We all remember being children, looking at our parents in disbelief at the oversights, misunderstandings and plain daft ways they behaved towards us. At the time we promised ourselves that one day we’d show them just how it should be done. So here we all are, wondering where on earth it all went wrong. Our children are now shaking their heads at us whilst looking sadly at their pitiful parents, almost certainly promising themselves that one day they’d show us how it should be done. Such is the comedy of life. The truth is that being a parent is never easy, and there have always been dangers, traditions, expectations, risks and issues that have had to be tackled. However, the biggest challenge parents have always faced is that the world into which they bring their children is not the same as the familiar world of their own childhood, and this is where the problems start.
Of course, today the world in which our children are growing up is a very different one to our own childhood experiences. With computer technology and the rapid development and integration of the internet into daily life, our children are placed in situations far removed from anything we could have imagined. With friends on the other side of the planet that they have never met, but know intimate secrets about, and evenings spent in front of their monitor, in rapt attention, attempting to rescue the Lost Artefact from the Tomb of Al’Kqaar, or chatting away to the other members of their guild in order to bring down the mighty Fargore, we as parents can only sit back and wonder. And don’t worry - you’re not the only parent to scratch their head and wonder what it’s all about.
Of course, no one is going to suggest that simply because we are the generation of parents that we somehow lost all ability to cope with life in the 21st century - we can, most of us, use a computer perfectly well, and see it as a handy tool for sending emails, looking stuff up on the internet, maybe even creating letters or a graph. But perhaps it’s simply who we are as a generation, but the appeal of posting our intimate secrets on the internet for the whole globe to see is lost on us. We shred any personal documents or bank statements before burying them deep within the depths of our bins, and hate the idea of photographs of us being owned by anyone. Yet our children seem quite happy to publish embarrassing photographs and stories for all to see. They talk about friends, but have never met them, and this even challenges our definition of friend. To us, a friend is someone we are close to, hang out with, and spend time with. Our children’s friends seem to be distant, with the only interaction taking place in a virtual world.
Then of course there are our worries and concerns regarding the dubious people online that are simply there to lure our children to some dark alley and do what they will with them. We hear the statistics and see the news stories of yet another child who met up with some stranger from the internet and was never seen again, and it’s easy to be tempted to unplug the computer and throw it on the bonfire as though tainted in some evil way.
But the truth is that it is not the computer which is dangerous, and the internet is not an enemy or something dark and subterranean that we should, or could, avoid. Every day we take many risks that could potentially endanger our lives. We drive a tonne of metal at sixty miles an hour just feet from other lumps of metal coming the other way, and accept this as perfectly normal. We stand far more chance of being killed driving on the road than we do of encountering danger on the internet. The difference is both in perception, and understanding. We perceive danger in the internet largely because of a lack of understanding, but because we understand the nature of the risks of driving, we see less danger. We wouldn’t drive on the motorway blindfolded, because we’d almost certainly be killed. Being voluntarily blinded to the risks of the internet not only increases our perception of the danger, but the actual level of risk involved.
So what are the main problems with using the internet, and what can we as parents do to help increase the safety of our children whilst they are enjoying this resource? The most important, and ultimately effective method of helping to support our children is education. This means education of ourselves, and education of our children. The more that you know and understand what is meant by messenger software, chat rooms, online games, profiles and avatars, the more you’ll be able to help your child understand the dangers, and the benefits of using the internet in a safe way. Remember, we’re not trying to scare our children away from the internet - it’s always going to be around and we’re not going to be able to stop them in the end, but we can help make them aware of the issues and help them make educated decisions themselves.
We spend time as parents teaching our children about ’stranger danger’, and make sure they understand not to interact with anyone they don’t know. They have it drummed in to them from an early age that they should not talk to strangers, go off with them, accept lifts or sweets or invitations, and that if they suspect anything is wrong, run back home or to safety straight away and tell someone. This same policy and understanding is often lacking online. The strangers are still there, most of whom are perfectly decent, but many are sadly using the anonymity of the internet to hide behind fake profiles. Our children understand about strangers in the street or park. But online, people aren’t strangers. They have photos, names, hobbies, backgrounds, families and favourite music. The fact that these profiles may be entirely fake seems to pass our children by.
Possibly you may already be aware of the fact that there is a wealth of security software available for parents. These enable you to lock down and protect your computer, installing filters and logs, restrictions and blocking tools, guards and scanners, but to be honest most of this will simply cause our children to be ever more curious about what really is on the other side of the wall you’ve built. We were children once, and we know that the first thing you want to do if told not to look over the wall, is to look over the wall, and most children are smart enough to work out a way of getting past the security. A far more effective way of supporting and protecting them is to communicate with them. To have the computer somewhere publically visible so that you can see what they’re doing, share an interest, and talk with them, is far better than trying to lock everything down and then running away to pretend the dangers will go away.
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